Fatherhood: May 9th, 2018

Here’s a few of the things I have learned about my daughter in the few weeks since she turned two.

1: If you stub your toe and exclaim “Shit”, your two year old will constantly repeat said word at inappropriate moments, making you feel like the worst parent ever.

2: You can spend longer than ten minutes “dumping” imaginary buckets of water in the sink or bathtub.

3: Farting is just as funny to a two year old girl as it is to males of all ages.

4: Falling asleep requires clutching one of Daddy’s earlobes in between your fingers. When the Kung fu grip starts to relax, it’s time to place toddler in her bed and RUN!

5: Lastly, (for now) if you have a sore back and move stiffly in the presence of your toddler, they will parade in front of you exaggerating your motion.

Bonus: Even bald Daddies can have their hair styled by a two year old.

Book Review – The Viking by Marti Talbot

theviking
The Viking
Marti Talbot
4 Stars

Well Gentle Readers, this tale of star-crossed lovers is no Romeo and Juliet.

Stefan, son of a Viking Commander and a kidnapped Scottish woman is finally of age to go to sea with his father where he can seek plunder and riches of his own. He had no idea his first sea voyage might be his last.

Kannak, whose drunkard and abusive father has disappeared, struggles with how to help her mother maintain their independence. Her decision to go to the market and find a husband is interrupted when three Viking ships beach to attack the village.

Neither of them knew Kannak’s decision to hide Stefan from those pursuing the “missing Viking” would lead them down the road it did.¬† Adventure, fighting, love and loss. A well rounded read to be sure with a twist at the end you will never see coming.

The only thing that was a bit off putting was how the Vikings and the Scots all seemed to use the same jargon. I am no history buff but I didn’t expect Vikings to say things like “wee laddie” and “lass”. All in all however, a good read from a talented writer.

Check it out now and also look into this prolific author’s other works.

The Viking on Amazon

Marti Talbott’s website

Spell a Day – Feb 14th 2016

Today Gentle Readers is the great celebration of love that is Valentine’s Day. Flower shops and chocolate makers rejoice. Jewelry stores and stuffed animal producers dance a little jig all the way to the bank with the hard earned money of love struck individuals. November sees an increase in births (well, I don’t know about that one for sure but it is still funny). The moral of the spell today is that today isn’t just about romantic love, but also about love of self. Appreciate yourself and, even if you are single, know that you are worthy of love.

For me, today has always had another special¬†meaning. Today is my grandmother’s birthday. She would be 86 today if she had not passed away in 2012. Anyone who has seen previous posts knows that my grandmother meant everything to me. She helped raise my brothers and I. As her years waned I took care of her. Losing her was losing a part of my heart. Most of the time I couldn’t pinpoint my religious beliefs, but I am sure she is looking down on me. I just hope I am making her proud. I have shared poetry inspired by my grandmother before and today will be no exception. This one is a little sadder than the previous ones as today I feel a bit more melancholy.

Just Gone
An emptiness fills my soul
Pain, Blinding, no comfort at all
Seeking something to fill the hole
Left, inside, and my spirits fall
To lose one who was always there
Is a heavy burden to bear

Always supportive, never failing
Constant unchanging, solid standing
How do you go on when they leave
So suddenly you are forced to grieve
Your heart left desperately longing
For one more day, another sunrise to see

They vanish, never to be seen
They vanish, a heart torn all apart
They vanish, pain so deep and keen
They vanish, piercing a battered heart

Where do loved ones go?
When they leave our side
So much still for them to show
Tears flow like a rising tide
My heart, cries out against the truth
Her hand, cold in mine is the proof

 

I hope that you all will take the time today to tell the ones you love how you feel about them. It doesn’t matter if it is romantic love or just platonic. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

Spell a Day – Jan 22nd 2016

Good evening Gentle Readers. Well, it isn’t quite February 14th, but today’s topic is love. Specifically about drawing in the kind of love you want and your ideal partner. I guess this is so you are ready on Valentine’s day. I’ve never presumed to know if Aphrodite wants to hear our pleas for love or not, but it appears today is a day to reach out to her. Have you ever made a physical list of the qualities and traits your want your ideal partner to possess? I never was so formal about it but I knew some things I did not want.

If you make a list of what you want and what you don’t want, then you have a road map to go out and find your ideal partner that will enrich your life forever. According to the Huffington Post and New York Times, divorce rates are going down and we could soon see 2/3rds of marriages lasting the long haul, instead of the scary 50% I learned about growing up in the 90’s. This trend seems to be because of people marrying later in life (mid twenties) and that we are past the rough start to the evolution of Marriage being the Male Breadwinner and Female housewife into the more equal partnership it is for many of us, including myself.

I have a beautiful and amazing wife who is truly my best friend. Probably the best possible outcome for a complete geek like me.  I wanted to share a little poem I wrote about her on this day of trying to draw in your ideal partner.

My Wife
The love of my life
My rock, my soft place to land
My beautiful wife

Of all the cliches
I could rattle off them all
There’s one simple truth

Without her I would be lost
My world revolves around her
Her voice, her laugh, her wonderful smile
Without them I’m a ship tossed
Upon the waves of a storm’s anger
No hope, No joy, crushed on a rocky isle

Somehow she manages with my OCD
She even tolerates my oddities
She finds humor in my eccentricities
Though the how is a mystery to me

The love of my life
So smart and beautiful
My lifelong partner

Together we are
Stronger than we are apart
I know that I am

 

So how about it Gentle Readers? Do you have your ideal partner or are you still looking? Feel free to share your stories or hopes in the comments. I look forward to hearing from you.

A Poo Flinging Monkey

I thought I would do a little update on this Fatherhood thing today in light of something quite hilarious that happened. For over a month now we have been giving our son an allowance for doing “chores”. Really things he should do anyway at 10, but it is an incentive and it teaches him how to save money for the things he wants, instead of having it handed to him. He brought home his book order yesterday from school and there is a Minecraft item in it that is almost 50 dollars. Honestly, I think within a few weeks he wouldn’t even bother with it. My wife the genius wins again with her idea. If he wants it, he will earn it. He has some allowance saved up. Today we were cleaning leaves and gutters on our garage and storage building.

Now, I am deathly scared of heights. Anything more than 3 feet off the ground and I am likely to break out in an anxiety attack. I managed to clean the garage, because I only had to go up two steps on the ladder to reach the gutters. I can handle that. Our son comes home from school and is quickly talked into climbing onto the roof of the storage building to clean that gutter. All for the low low price of 30 bucks.

As he mounts the ladder and makes his way up onto the roof, I am already feeling a panic attack creep in. I know he is an extremely responsible 10 year old. I am proud of him every day for the way he conducts himself. I just have this overwhelming fear now that he is about 12 feet in the air.

Then the fun begins. He scoots within an arm’s reach of the gutter, small shovel in hand to use as a scoop to get the gunk out of it. As he begins to clean sticks, leaves and everything else out of the gutter, he says, “It looks like poop.” And down comes a clump of decaying leaf material that had clogged up the gutter. Then it got more hilarious as he makes a game out of being a poo flinging monkey and tossing down the clumps like some irate primate in a zoo.

Barely 20 minutes and he is climbing back down the ladder as I steady it from below. I think I took my first decent breath once he was within reach of my arms should he have fallen. I love this poo flinging monkey.

Look out below…

PooFlingingMonkey